I Don't Want A Puppy, I Want A Rottweiler! on dating, misandry, & reciprocity
Hello darlings! If you are new, and we have some new faces :), welcome! I regularly post dribbles and drabbles like this about love, life, all of it! I hope you enjoy this I genuinely told my friends the last couple months “I don’t want a puppy, I want a rottweiler” and expanding on those thoughts are what this post resulted in. I hope you enjoy if you do leave me a comment or like, and share! babblings is growing and it’s because of you!!!!! Still figuring out how to embed Quobuz instead of spotify which I’ve switched from, I’ll figure it out until then spotify is embedded with this posts song. Excuse typos 😉 New podcast episode next week about celebrity idolatry 😘
This summer was a whole year since I dated anyone! Like anyone! No dates, no talking, no hook ups, nada. What first started out of necessity because I truly had no energy to share with anyone, quickly turned into intentional defiance. Defying what other’s expected, what society expects, what I’ve been conditioned to find my self worth in. I’ve spent so much of my life wrapping myself up in other people. Spending more time worried if I was fulfilling someone else’s needs instead of my own. And not just romantically, overall I’ve always emotionally taken a backseat while the ghost of me drives everyone else around making sure they get where they want to go. Important because of the emotional, mental, and physical labour I provide. And the thing is people will let you. People will let you put them first. They’ll follow you around like a lost puppy because that’s easier than addressing their codependency issues or lack of agency. And after a year of reorienting myself and being confronted with a few real world examples this summer, I’ve come to the following conclusions:
- I don’t respect men. (Sorry, sue me, but I don’t. I’ve known no man in my life besides my grandpa that has ever emotionally or financially supported me)
- I don’t want a puppy… I want a rottweiler.
Okay I want to get a few disclaimers out here before we really get into it, even though I know you get it, I still need to say a few things. I don’t like stereotyping people, genders, relationships, but this analogy really helped me begin to articulate and unravel the relationship dynamics that I and others have experienced. I also want to be clear that I love rotties, pitties, dobermans, etc. Just because a dog has the capacity/strength to inflict damage doesn’t mean they are inherently aggressive and that stereotype is because of humans training them to be so. These are typically really loving dogs, which is something I’ll come back to later.
In a world full of misogynists someone’s gotta rep the misandrists!1 Jokes aside it’s not necessarily that I have an ingrained hatred towards men, but an inherent mistrust? Mmm, yeah definitely. And depending on who it is that mistrust can vary widely from not trusting my physical safety around them to not trusting them to put the dishes away correctly. I suppose we should also define how I understand respect. Every person I meet has a base level of respect from me. A respect of personal space and clear communication. And then from there reverence can grow. It’s there in that space between basic human respect and varying levels of admiration that I leave very little room for a cis, heterosexual man to rise through the ranks. I’m not really arguing whether this is a good or bad thing, but it’s a pattern within myself I’ve observed that may not always be fair. (But most of the time it’s very fair and most don’t deserve my veneration) For me trust and respect go hand in hand. So I guess it’s not just the respect part, but one misstep or wrong turn, and I can’t trust you.
I once told someone, “I don’t want to be your mommy.” Which they took great offense to thinking I meant I literally didn’t want to be like the person that was their actual mother. No dipshit, I don’t want to be your parent. (We can’t even begin to unpack the mommy issues here) A parent guides, leads, and assists with growth. Teaching us valuable things like using our words, how to be resourceful, or create positive habits to lead us into adulthood. Parent and Partner are two very different things. Sure if you made a Venn diagram there would be overlap, but those lines can get blurred at the speed of light and before you know it you’re reminding your boyfriend to pay his half of the rent and to put the toilet seat down.
Some would say my standards are too high, I would say meet them or get lost. My brain never shuts off, I’m always 5 steps ahead, planning my next proactive steps. So if you can’t be more proactive than me, immediate chopping block, you aren’t partner material. Nothing’s hotter than: “Oh I already did that babe.” At twenty seven all romantic prospects should be able to cook and clean, transport themselves to where they need on their own, have hobbies, be financially independent, and emotionally regulated. I suppose it’s self sufficiency I respect above all else, disgusted by takers. And maybe I’m just resentful because I’ve never had the luxury of being taken care of.
It’s not that I want to be totally taken care of, I don’t want someone to come in and be daddy anymore than I want to be someone’s mommy. But I want to trust that our life will get taken care of, the dishes will get done if they need to be, if I’m exhausted from the day someone else could make my dinner, or trust that if tragedy strikes it’s not all on me to pick up the pieces. I don’t want to be bossy and make all the decisions. But if you let me I’ll run all over you. I don’t want to be with someone that let’s me walk all over them. Where’s your backbone? Do you have an opinion? Challenge me someone please!
A younger me would dream of being some biker’s “Old Lady” or mob bosses wife. The deep traditions and intrinsic loyalty always spoke to my heart. Still now there is a devout protector inside of me, yearning to hoard away all my loved ones and kill those that oppose us. Protect mine above all else instinctually hums through me. By nature I’m a nurturer and protector. Yet it’s not for everyone and if you’re a man and want that from me you have to earn it. If I offer loyalty will you in return? If I offer solace, will it be exploited? Are you enamored with me or would you wag your tail for anyone that offers you a treat? I recoil the moment it’s obvious a man doesn’t mind relying on the benefits of my labour, indulging in my comfort without offering anything in return. And unfortunately for most I don’t want to train them how to earn a treat from me.
Rottweilers are known to be loyal, strong, protective. They can be extremely loving and attached to their family. Obviously I know a Rottweiler was once a puppy and so maybe it’s not a completely fair analogy. The point is I want a man that commands my respect with aura and actions. A man that matches my loyalty and protectiveness over what’s ours. Someone who contributes to a life we build together. A life vest instead of a weight. And I offer that and more in return.
In my opinion that’s not too much to ask.
Anyways I’m thinking about getting on the apps for a little fall fling. Should I do hinge again, bumble? Let me know!
